It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
