Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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