Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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