i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
