yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
