so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
