shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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