you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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