Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
