hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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