Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
