You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
