I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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