I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
