Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
