I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
