I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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