im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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