She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
