i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
