But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
