dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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