So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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