how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
