Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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