Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
