Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
