You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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