she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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