Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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