I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
be right there i have to get my cape
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
