the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
