sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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