Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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