The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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