You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
