Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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