And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
