Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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