Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
