I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
