so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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