I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
