I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
