I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I look better un-naked...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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