her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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