Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
