OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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