just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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