he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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