You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
