haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Randomize
