im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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