She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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