I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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