Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
