Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
