My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
