if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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