I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize