just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So drunk its hurt
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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