"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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