It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
