I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
