Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
