return my video game
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
