He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
