I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
