he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
