I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
