i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
