don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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