The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
