My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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