I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
