Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
