Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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