So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize