she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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