Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Vodka?
Forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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