its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
