the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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