His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
