it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
