I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
