My friends, they love my intelligence
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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