and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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