Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
