so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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