Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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